we fucking wrote a post and it got deleted

summary: we want to die.  someone inside is crying hysterically.  we have a lot to handle: foosd stamps. ssi stuff, apartment recert, reshedule kathy.

i want to diee i want to die i want to die

and now my fucking right ear is popping again what the fuck is that???


panda girl

how much i am supposed to be smoking: an eighth a week.

how much i appear to be smoking: an eighth and a third a week.

how much more that costs me a month:~$50 (or so) bucks

what is ridiculous: the amount of money i spend on this a month

i just cannot believe myself.  watching tv. smoking.  not doing anything i’m supposed to.  deadlines creep closer and closer.  what exactly am i expecting to happen?  for me to magically be able to do it?

well, yes, i am.  or rather i’m waiting for someone who can handle it to come out.  i won’t get panicked until wednesday.  i have 3 separate things:

  • the dshs paperwork to get food benefits next month
  • get ssi app confirmation to

all of which are basically due friday.  our ears are popping popping popping popping. that is wierd.  wierd wierd wierd.

we are so bad and should go to exercize but don’t.  i am honestly amazed at how little we do.  and we compound it every second by worrying so much we don’t do anything.  we are so focused on making the best use of our time that we freak out and make the worst.  ugh.  fucking a.

our upper back and neck have been hurting like CRAZY like CRAZY which is maybe due to mom. and her email.  and whatnot.

we are having arguments because some people say this is getting to stream-of-consciousness for the blog catagory and some are saying we can just check both and others are saying that defeats the purpose we want to use catagories for and it’s like omigod i can’t do this

so we turn on another episode of the office and take another hit. at least if we didn’t feel guilty we’d be a successful hedonist at least. we fucking fail at everything.

so we check both and say fuck it.

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