it’s because she is still seeing mom

she is still seeing her.  she is the favorite.  she is the channel for her energy.  i am picking it up off of e*a.  i swear if she weren’t talking to her it would be different.  but i guess she’d be in a different place but she is on that side not conscoiously but the energy is in her it is it is it is it is the tension of holding it all in and functioning while being pretty crazy

i am not just projecting, so fuck you

even if it’s part of it it is more she IS seeing mom and i swear it affects her i swear i hear mom in her voice in her emails i hhear i hear i hear it i hear i hear i hear it i hear i hear i hear it iehear it i do ido i do ido id o the looking i do i see it a princess i see it i do the looking i see it i do

help help help help help help help help help help help help help she is a princess she is but she is lie younger ut also bigger it is wierd she is in pink things sparkle i can see her clearly i am insane and bad i am so bad i am so bad i am so bad i am so bad i want to die

someone inside says something horrible like kiss her knock our head against the wall knock our head against the wall knock our head against the wall knock our head against the wall knock our head against the wall

bad girl bad girl bang our head agains tthe galss til it satters break dissappear we sisapear bang our head against the glass we dissappear forever we do forever we die we dissappear and we die and it is good then it is good let us die and dissappear now so it doesn’t hurt anymore let it die let us die let us die it would be so peaceful so calm let us please it would feel so good let us please die then everything would be okay it would all be okay that’s all we need to do let us die let us die let us die let us die let us die let us die let us die let us die let us die let us die let us die let ud die let ud die let us die let us die let us die let us die

i want to die i want to go to sleep and never wake up i want to die so it doesn’t hurt anymore it would be soft and sweet and warm and gone everything gone it would be so nice we get calm just thinking about it die never have to worry again die and it’s all better goes away is all better can die would be so nice so quick just do it just do it just do it just do it judt do it it’s quick then it’s done just do it it’s quick thenit’s done just do it it’s quick then it’s done jus tdo it it’s qucik then it’s done just do it its quick then it’s done it’s done it’s done it’s done it’s done it’s done it’s done it’s done it’s done it’s done it’s done

when the buggers came on the ships they just disected the humans alive because they didn’t think of them as important cuz they weren’t the queen and they communicate telepathically so they didn’t even know the humans were talking to them there was nothing they could do but die that’s why it’s important to have a cyanide capsule  but don’t take it too soon  but be sure you have it so they can’t torture you forever always have one always have one

help help help someone is really scared  and we hear that brandi song that’s like something deep as the sea goes something and walk away (we hear more wordish things but can’t capture them, we hear the singing perfectly, doesn’t everyone?)  i am an edges and a bad one and eva bought food for us gonna leave it by our door wes gotta go out today so scared but gotta do it bitch gotta

i am insane

i am definitely insane

i am definitely insane

we watched this grey’s and this woman’s heart stopped beating and her husband couldn’t handle it and started pushing it to make it beep and i think we got really triggered or something we flased on the dream where we gave eva cpr and then there was this like wierd idea like she had died was dead and we tried to resustate her and couldn’t and it was too late and she was gone and we felt crazy upset for a second but far away it was

but that is crazy e*a is right here.  people say wierd things like she died and was replaced with someone else that is CRAZY we are CRAZY we are CRAZY it just upset us for a little we barely feel it now except maybe a little that is INSANE

nononoNO nononoNO nonononotevanoteva

it’s gone  it’s gone now  maybe we just can’t write it

i am insane i am insane i am insane

coming back from the dead is a big thing in buffy.  in fact, it’s really wierd when someone impotant dies and DOESN’T come back.  but that only works for mystical deaths, not like human ones like with guns.

we are crazy we are crazy we are crazy we are cray

we see eva like on a bed like sleeping beauty like there is lace hanging she looks like a princess she is dead she is dead already we couldn’t save her says someone she is dead already we couldn’t save her says someone she is dead already we couldn’t save her says someone she is dead already we couldn’t save her says someone she is dead already we couldn’t save her

what the fuck?  are we the prince?  how fucked up is that?  but it feels like she needs cpr.  or something.  i am INSANE and creepy and bad and evil and wrong and horrible and should be punished.

i don’t know, the image is just very clear or something.  or strong.  we are making this up we are making this up we are making this up we are making this up.

but i do know it is too late to save her and it is our fault she is dead.  we just, we can’t handle it.  we can’t.  like when the doctors thought mom had cancer and she was so scared and we died inside and freaked out and kind of fell apart

nononononononono fairy tales.  i took a class on fairy tales.  2.  in one we rewrote them.  i am bad i am a bad girl

is too late can’t save her is too late can’t save her is too late can’t save her is too late can’t save her is too late can’t save her is too late can’t save her is too late can’t save her is too late can’t save her is too late can’t save her is too late can’t save her is too late can’t save her is too late can’t save her is too late can’t save her is too late can’t save her is too late can’t save her

what is wrong with me?  (flash of swat library)  why am i making things up?  just to be cool i guess.  all the cool kids were ritually abused, all the cool kids were programmed, all the cool kids were in cults (make more money as a leader, have more fun as a follower)

i am a bad girl i know it we need to eat but there is nothing here left we want should go shopping don’t want cold raining don’t want but need food i member *efanie used get stuff us that was nice we liked  that s*ef took care of us  e*in acted like she did but she didn’t actually do that much really she was budybusy girl so impotant balhblahblah we hate her anyway stupid

that princess stuff is sick and creepy and i am sick and creepy and i hate myself SO MUCH for it SO MUCH creepy creepy that is my SISTER creepy creepy girrl is a bad girl i know it  i know it i know it i know it i know it know it i know it

really need eat get food

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