okay, so my basic philosophy is read at your own risk

this is the opposite of narrative, because there is no eye to an overarching point.  there is no outside, global (chronologically or otherwise).  there is little to no editing or pruning to create a theme or convey a point, certainly not a cohesive one.

in a way i guess it’s like a mystery.  but again, the opposite of a mystery novel.  because there certain things are emphasized and people painted in particular ways, some things brought into focus some ignored, in order to bring you to the predetermined answer.

i have no clear idea of:

  • who we are (as individuals, as a system)
  • what happened to us (in terms of trauma, abuse, and anything else)
  • what is going on with any of us at any time (physically, emotionally, mentally, anything)

so i guess i think of it as a mystery opposite-novel.  because i don’t even know if i’ll find any of this out and nothing will get wrapped up.

which also means that any reader has as good, or better, a chance as i of picking up patterns and noticing connections or just figuring things out as i do.  because what i’m trying to do is present as close as possible what i have to work with to figure all this out.

i have the advantage of having *way* more information than a reader.  but i also have a much messier perspective and investment in certain “truths” that can make me unable to see things someone farther away can see already.

but of course everyone reading has their issues too and they interact with the judgments and ideas and conclusions you reach.  so there you go.

i have absolutely no interest in logic here unless it is really helpful for some reason.  and i also have no interest in “objective truth”.  basically, i’m trying to stay away from constructions that keep me from listening to myself.

i spent a lot of time arguing emotions/feelings/thoughts with logic and winning and it got me fuckin nowhere (okay, thanks for that).  what i mean is that it wasn’t actually effective in helping me realize and deal with what i was actually feeling and thinking and what was actually going on.

anyway, that’s all i’m trying to do here.  listen to myself or ourselves or whatever.  and not try to fit it into ways we already think and ignoring the stuff that “doesn’t make sense”.

this is the place for the stuff that doesn’t make sense.


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