demon story (from a while WHILE ago)



the thing is i know there was another 2 pages but i can’t find them oh well.  maybe they will turn up or maybe never and that is that i wish id scanned them i hate myself i do i really do dont ever worry about that i am never under the impression that i am good or supportive or reliable or helpful or anything but superficial and inconsistent and flaky and empty and pointless and dull.  i know i know i know all that.  i want to die.

i don’t really get what’s going on and ali gets here in less than 5 hours so um i guess well see how that goes.  she is pretty laid back.  i guess i want to make the most of her time here.  i want a lot of things.  i smoke and smoke and smoke to cover the feelings


wants to die wants to die wants to die

always she wants that she is sad and scared she is a small shei s is is she is small sh e is is is is is help help help help

had dream. scary. people coming gonna shoot at us near us try get people to leave but woin’t just want to protect themselvees and stay won’t even hide that well n*reen said everyone is us what if we is trying talk us and we wonder w3hat if its maintainers or *someone* tryin get us not keep lookin turn back just scared they is comin get us comin get us we should leave not stay not look too dangerous too dangerous

(just stares off into space completely out of it)

there is nothing here but fear

they are trying to tell us that they are not coming

and we are not listening to them

Protected: for the record

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okay, this tea tastes, i don’t know

there is something wrong with the aftertaste. and the smell is familiar and ugh. but it does have a slightly calming effect. so it’s worth it. i guess i’ll ask e*a for more.

okay, so i got a txt from e*a

that she slipped some kava tea under my door because it’s a natural legal relaxent and i’m out of pot.

and for some fucking crazy reason i have this intense back pain and i don’t know why. we just left myriad’s after watching queer as fuck. and i all said i needed to go and that was hard but they were nice. was i triggered by assertin gmy own needs? i don’t think so.

i think it was the tea. someone says it was the kava. or the txt. just her being nice to me? i feel like i don’t deserve it? well i yawned whn i wrote that and the pain subsided so maybe that’s it. but what the fuck?

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