the thing is i know there was another 2 pages but i can’t find them oh well. maybe they will turn up or maybe never and that is that i wish id scanned them i hate myself i do i really do dont ever worry about that i am never under the impression that i am good or supportive or reliable or helpful or anything but superficial and inconsistent and flaky and empty and pointless and dull. i know i know i know all that. i want to die.
i don’t really get what’s going on and ali gets here in less than 5 hours so um i guess well see how that goes. she is pretty laid back. i guess i want to make the most of her time here. i want a lot of things. i smoke and smoke and smoke to cover the feelings
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edgewise: get a word in 
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