we have been a total *shit* to our borderliners.  fucking a.  no wonder they got the book on borderline stuff and were looking for treatment.  we are just so pissed that they are pathetic and needy and lonely and clingy and angry and jealous and bitter and wrong.  so we try to keep them quiet.

and they have been really upset and hurt and lonely.  they have so much to do with mom.  and we don’t want to look at them or listen to them so we’re like be quiet  you aren’t talking about the root issues anyway which are about mom so we get to keep them silent.  but what they say is of interest too and however the issues manifest wow already i don’t understand or believe this

the botderliners fixate on myriad (mostly) and other things beyond their control (somewhat) and we hate them and want them to die.  wow.  that is not nice.  they must be somewhat pissed.

i was trying to think of what kind of nice thing we could do for the borderliners.  i mean, by their very nature they want comfort and love from external sources.  so how can *we* give them anything?

i guess someone was thinking some kind of board they could write what they are feeling on.  maybe they are the oones who want to buy the rolll of shiteboard material so we can put it on our waalls.  i think they are the ones who came out when we shroomed and wrote “fuck you” all over the walls of b*igid’s little room in our triple.

speaking of b*igid, i heard from her recently and it made me really happy.  i do miss her.  so much.  even now.  even still.  i would do almost anything to get her to move here.  maybe she still will.  i imagine neither her or k*ith really want to move back near their families.  i miss her somuch.  i miss talking to her.  i miss how funny she is and i just, i miss how being around her made me feel.  her and a*i.  who i think will for real try to come here for her residency so that would be amazing.

are we diverting?  or is this off topic?  how do you know when to explore and whne not to?  i feel like i used to knnow these things or something.

fucking a we are so low and our guy still doesn’t know when he can meet us and we are trying not to be annnoying and harangue him but we want to know.  we have to stop letting this happen.  we have to set aside at least an eigth and when we get to it we call our guy.  dammit this time we have to do that.  we smoke i think about 2/3 – 3/4 of an ounce a month, which i think is a lot.  it’s certainly expensive.  we are.  we are thinking about trying to work on it.  but that kind of self-control is very trigering so we have to be carefaul and fuck that and fuck everything

fuck everything we want nail polish pink nail pilish sparkly and hologram glitters and pretty and pretty and pretty

i dont kno i want to die everythimg hurts and our neck especially we always sleep on our stomache niw


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