i would just like to say, for the record,

that clearly i am treating m*riad like my mother whom i need to save or they’ll leave me. i just want to say that at least some of us are aware of that and trying to keep it in mind. i know it affects us and i know it makes us too reliant on their “well-being” or whatever and that is too much pressure. so we need to try to back off that. but at the same time we want to offer support. i don’t know, we have trouble with moderation and sometimes i think we get lost and are just the little girl trying to save mommy so she won’t leave her. so yeah. plus there is something wierd with the sensitivity in my right finger tips and really as if you traced a line around it to make a hand print, there is wierd feelings almost like being cut or like something being laid open. i don’t know. i am insane and bad and insane.
and i am really going to try to make that what i talk about with kathy on monday. also why am i not sleepy. wierd stuff is happening like witches and cauldrens and it is almost xmas time it is almost xmas time it is almost xmas time and the witch laughs. xmas 2004

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