it’s like with s*ef there were these concrete rules

and they were unspoken, but basically if someone was “legitimately” upset about something the other one did, the other one had to like bow down and do anything to make it better.  i don’t know who made these rules, maybe we both did.  god we hope we aren’t bad for writing this we just don’t want to lose it.  bitch bitch.

i mean it sucked a lot for her because legitamcy could be argued in my mind and i am an amazing arguer.  i think that really hurt e*in because i could actually convince her her feelings weren’t valid.  i could *prove* it.  wow i haven’t been in that space or trying to do that for so long but it’s like a muscle you know?  it’s like a sport you miss.  verbal torture.  i’d say we’re pretty skilled at that.  i don’t know.  there are so many ways to hurt people without them even knowing, without you being at all at fault in any clear way (tilts head).  it’s kind of a sport, a game, something to do  (smiles). artimus, allistor.  the dark ones.  the cold one.  the evil ones.  they keep us in glass boxes you know, but we can get out.  like golum.  like a lemur.  like something that creeps up on you and we are worst because we are right alongside the good ones so you’d never know.  that is why it is important to have separate truths.  you can’t do it any other way.

there are a lot of different things that it’s triggering and maybe i am everyone in the scene.  what then?

artimus altimus allistor allister all of us here in the darkness. smiling.  we want to laugh when people feel bad for us because we are not the threatened we are the threat.  they should concentrate that energy on themselves and protect themselves.  they should watch out.  we are never sad (tho as we write that we feel stirrings of dissent) but we aren’t.  we are happy

we had to let the kids out to ask a question about someone being mad which is also funny because why would we care except to enjoy it?

we are like willow when she slowly pushes the bullet thru warren’s chest. when she has lost all control so she is completely in control.  she is cold and focused and detached tho she doesn’t stay that way and blahblah thats’ the only way to save her.  buffy is an amazing show in what it illustrates.  there are so many things it captures better than anything else we’ve seen to keep as a video or image or idea in our mind.

(behind the dark ones sit tapping their fingers on their arms watching amusedly as the others try to pretend we aren’t here)

not that it matters.  not that any of it matters.

we will be watching i heart huckabees today.

okay, that’s it for now.  some family guy whiile we smoke to bring us out.


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