i am insane

i am definitely insane

i am definitely insane

we watched this grey’s and this woman’s heart stopped beating and her husband couldn’t handle it and started pushing it to make it beep and i think we got really triggered or something we flased on the dream where we gave eva cpr and then there was this like wierd idea like she had died was dead and we tried to resustate her and couldn’t and it was too late and she was gone and we felt crazy upset for a second but far away it was

but that is crazy e*a is right here.  people say wierd things like she died and was replaced with someone else that is CRAZY we are CRAZY we are CRAZY it just upset us for a little we barely feel it now except maybe a little that is INSANE

nononoNO nononoNO nonononotevanoteva

it’s gone  it’s gone now  maybe we just can’t write it

i am insane i am insane i am insane

coming back from the dead is a big thing in buffy.  in fact, it’s really wierd when someone impotant dies and DOESN’T come back.  but that only works for mystical deaths, not like human ones like with guns.

we are crazy we are crazy we are crazy we are cray

we see eva like on a bed like sleeping beauty like there is lace hanging she looks like a princess she is dead she is dead already we couldn’t save her says someone she is dead already we couldn’t save her says someone she is dead already we couldn’t save her says someone she is dead already we couldn’t save her says someone she is dead already we couldn’t save her

what the fuck?  are we the prince?  how fucked up is that?  but it feels like she needs cpr.  or something.  i am INSANE and creepy and bad and evil and wrong and horrible and should be punished.

i don’t know, the image is just very clear or something.  or strong.  we are making this up we are making this up we are making this up we are making this up.

but i do know it is too late to save her and it is our fault she is dead.  we just, we can’t handle it.  we can’t.  like when the doctors thought mom had cancer and she was so scared and we died inside and freaked out and kind of fell apart

nononononononono fairy tales.  i took a class on fairy tales.  2.  in one we rewrote them.  i am bad i am a bad girl

is too late can’t save her is too late can’t save her is too late can’t save her is too late can’t save her is too late can’t save her is too late can’t save her is too late can’t save her is too late can’t save her is too late can’t save her is too late can’t save her is too late can’t save her is too late can’t save her is too late can’t save her is too late can’t save her is too late can’t save her

what is wrong with me?  (flash of swat library)  why am i making things up?  just to be cool i guess.  all the cool kids were ritually abused, all the cool kids were programmed, all the cool kids were in cults (make more money as a leader, have more fun as a follower)

i am a bad girl i know it we need to eat but there is nothing here left we want should go shopping don’t want cold raining don’t want but need food i member *efanie used get stuff us that was nice we liked  that s*ef took care of us  e*in acted like she did but she didn’t actually do that much really she was budybusy girl so impotant balhblahblah we hate her anyway stupid

that princess stuff is sick and creepy and i am sick and creepy and i hate myself SO MUCH for it SO MUCH creepy creepy that is my SISTER creepy creepy girrl is a bad girl i know it  i know it i know it i know it i know it know it i know it

really need eat get food

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