wow there is so much fear here

it is insane.  i only feel the edges (haha) but even that makes us dizzy and nauseous and our back hurt especially on the right.  it’s feeling mom-related.

someone keeps saying help.  i don’t know quite what to do about that.  i am probably supposed to dive into the fear but who the hell wants to do that?  just thinking about it makes me dizzier and more nauseous.  ugh, people say i do so much healing work but all i do is watch tv and smoke to avoid dealing with things.

i am so scared.  holy god.  and using i alot so that probably means i’m one of the more dissociated ones who are separate from the system and see themselves as more singular.

help help help they say.  it might have to do with e*a and helping e*a.  her hair is long and blond it’s wierd i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die

if it has to do with eva and me i am going to kill myself.  kill my-self.  seriously.  i cannot take that i cannot i can’t i cannot i can’t i can’t i cannot i can’t i cannot i cannot i cannot i cannot i cannot i cannot i cannot i cannot i cannot i cannot

i want to die dizziness more nausea more i want to die help me help

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