something has happened

and he doesn’t love us anymore.  i know because he came in today and wanted to talk about this girl he likes and wants to be friends with and he only cares about her and not us.  and the whole time we wanted to cry and wanted him to love us and make it better 

i guess that is a big change.  now we feel like when we are hurting he is the only one who can make it better and he is responsible.  like in the dream.  like he already doesn’t love us anymore.  and we want to tell him how sad we are and how much we hurt so that he will take care of us.

now is when we most miss having a girlfriend (not as opposed to boyfriend, we just mean a committed like take-care-of-each-other relationship which has only been with girls cuz w/ matt wes don’t have obligations

but we wish he would take care of us and love us and make everything all better because we feel scared and alone adn hurt.

and when we are out we have the elizabeths, or someone.  someones who is strong and more detached from things but that makes us less likable too.  but it’s either that or just us crying about how he doesn’t love us.  and i think it’s better to be the stronger ones.  

we just want him to like us.  we is so scared he doesn’t and won’t we can tell we can we can.  and it makes us so sad and lonely.  because he is making new friends and learning in this new program and has his own life and we have nothing and last night 

and now myriad sent this sweet email and we can see they do love us and we feel crazy?  what is wrong with us?  we can’t remember this when we change.

you know what’s alot more fun than being multiple?  just thinking about how cool and fun it is to be multiple.

but last night we felt like everything wascrashing down.  like they didn’t love us anymore, or it wasn’t guaranteed, which is the same thing because there is nothing to rely on.  and we felt like we didn’t have anything else in our life.  like they were all we had and they were moving on to this bigger more important life and everything had changed and they don’t see us the same way anymore.

you know, we always think it’s worse to be the other way.  and now we have a headache in the front of our head. and back.  our whole body hurts so much.  so much.  i’m not sure i can make it thru this.  it feels like we have nothing.  but i know that last time that happened we ended up in a better place health-wise (random nausea).


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