we got $50 from either our mother or sister

e*a dropped off some groceries we asked for and this cool m&m thing and in it wrapped in paper said “Elizabeth” once on the card and once on the pacakge just twice same hand writing we knew it but we didn’t know whose it wwas. isn’t that nice? we are so lucky. [...]

Protected: we saw m*riad tonight

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

we never play this song

close(d)

and i mean never. it is the only song unchecked in our playlist of our songs (yep, we listen to our own music, but remember, it is often not the creator who is listening, so yeah that’s different somehow).
so just back the fuck off.
i can’t even check the fucking link cuz i can’t hear [...]

our newest song

how to watch

we want to change the ending but it’s in pretty decent shape.

it’s so easy

you make them happy.  then they make you happy.  and you both need each other, so you both need to do it.  so it makes sense.  so it works.  like with mommy.  that is just how it works.
so scareded right now want go sleep want die want stop can’t do this so fake so fake [...]

this is not an entry i want to write

okay. let’s start there. this is not an entry i want to write. i am writing it, but i don’t want to be. someone started basically dictating it in our head and i was like fine i’ll write it out cuz maybe then we’ll get somewhere and they’ll shut up.
okay.  so [...]

what we’re singing

life preserves or how to watch

someone inside says “i cried hysterically”

like they are narrating. who knows. i know we are triggered. i know we are bad. i know we are a bad girl. i know i want to die and am a bad girl. iknow i want to die because i’m a bad girl. i know these things [...]

i would just like to say, for the record,

that clearly i am treating m*riad like my mother whom i need to save or they’ll leave me. i just want to say that at least some of us are aware of that and trying to keep it in mind. i know it affects us and i know it makes us too reliant [...]

plus

we got all triggerred last nigth cuz m*riad basically told us that they were doing *us* a favor by letting us go with them to therapy and plus they already told us it’s like we’re not there cuz we don’t talk enough.  it is so embarassing cuz i thought we were really helping and trying [...]