i think some of us really believe they are going to come back angry at us (or some of them will be) and not even know it. and that really scares us. like just how could they not be angry with us after seeing him? we have made a false accusation against him that means [...]
December 18, 2008
Categories: stream-of-consciousness . Tags: being good, help, mom, programming(?), scareded . Author: the edges . Comments: Leave a Comment
and they told us about resentment and upset they’ve been feeling towards us and it was so… it was so great. we started crying after and i think it was RELIEF.
god it is such a relief to have those feelings out in the open. someone inside is crying so hard they are shaking with relief [...]
December 15, 2008
Categories: stream-of-consciousness, update . Tags: help, hidden anger, scareded . Author: the edges . Comments: Leave a Comment
i know i am a bad girl. i know that for sure. i know i am bad very bad and scared. i know things are not safe and not what they appear to be. i know that no one is safe. i know that i am not safe. i know that i don’t know things [...]
December 13, 2008
Categories: stream-of-consciousness, trying to figure something out . Tags: asking for help, being bad, being clingy/needy, being good, being good enough, being good to be around, being hard on ourselves, body, circling birds, crying underneath, dark things, extensive reppetition, feeling crazy, feeling sexually threatened, good girl, help, hypnosis/trance/mind control, mom, needing people, nobody loves me, programming(?), protective/possessive, scareded, self-mocking, smoking, suicidal ideation, the borderlines, wanting/needing love . Author: the edges . Comments: Leave a Comment
heavy in our heart. unloved. ssandbagged and filled with sand. hurt and alone. smoking smoking smoking. scared and sad. it is funny how we always come back here. and at this time of year i guess. because i felt that way with e*in basically all the time after we started actually “dating” vs like just [...]
December 4, 2008
Categories: stream-of-consciousness, update . Tags: (anti-)suicide, alone, asking for help, being good to be around, being hard on ourselves, being in control, being manic, being mean, being multiple, body, coping mechanisms, crisis, feeling sexually threatened, help, hurt, nobody loves me, not being nice enough, sad, scareded, smoking, wanting/needing love . Author: the edges . Comments: Leave a Comment
she is still seeing her. she is the favorite. she is the channel for her energy. i am picking it up off of e*a. i swear if she weren’t talking to her it would be different. but i guess she’d be in a different place but she is on that side not conscoiously but the [...]
December 1, 2008
Categories: keeping a record, stream-of-consciousness, talking about things we don't want to talk about, trying to figure something out . Tags: (picking up [people's]) energy, bad girl, being good, circling birds, extensive reppetition, flashes, help, memories, mom, projection, royal/fairy taleish imagery, self harm, suicidal ideation, the wish to die . Author: the edges . Comments: Leave a Comment
helphelphelp i’m going to commit suicide helphelphelp i’m going to commit suicide
so that’s happening. i assume the mania is a side-effect/biproduct/distraction of/from something horrible underneath because now our whole body is tensing freaking out tensing freaking out help help help help
November 30, 2008
Categories: update . Tags: body, emotions underneath, help, scareded, suicidal ideation . Author: the edges . Comments: Leave a Comment
