so here i am

i’m writing so woohoo so great so well done
i… i don’t have anything i want to talk about.  i have things.  but i do not want to talk about them.  i want to talk about things that don’t make me uncomfortable, perhaps that make me look cool in some way.
so so so so so so.
so [...]

we never play this song

close(d)

and i mean never. it is the only song unchecked in our playlist of our songs (yep, we listen to our own music, but remember, it is often not the creator who is listening, so yeah that’s different somehow).
so just back the fuck off.
i can’t even check the fucking link cuz i can’t hear [...]

i have no idea whether this is apprpriate or not

but m*riads told me once that the only (best?) defense they had was to tell and tell and tell.  and so in that vein… i guess if it’s inappropriate i’ll find our and decide what to do from there.
so here is what i think.  i think that a lot of parts of a*ron that used [...]

funny stuff

i was thinking about it and i realized that wait.  i was thinking about how i have this thing about anyone telling me to stop making jokes or saying that’s not funny.  and i was thinking about how e*a and i use humor to get away from seriousness, to keep it from having a hold [...]

idea for why e*a is so concerned about our safety lately

she is getting close to memories that trigger feelings that i am not safe or that i will need to kill myself.  a smart safety mechanism.  and would also explain a bit all the dreams i have about ee*a’s safety.
things are tough here.  lots of things coming up.  i try to remind myself it’s been [...]

it is so cold in the apartment

help help i’m scared something is going on e*a wrote emails she feels our pain alot and she understands why we need to be away and we aren’t disappointing her and she wants to know if she can help.  it is colder and colder.  colder and colder.  she is scared we are going to kill [...]

i think in a lot of ways i feel like i need to never be weak

especially show it, but even to feel it.  like i was just emailing with e*a and she was like sorry to be creepily emailing so much and i was all big sistery and like oh no i like it and i just won’t respond if i can’t but what i was REALLY thinking was oh [...]

Protected: someone is screaming hysterically

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

i am insane

i am definitely insane
i am definitely insane
we watched this grey’s and this woman’s heart stopped beating and her husband couldn’t handle it and started pushing it to make it beep and i think we got really triggered or something we flased on the dream where we gave eva cpr and then there was this like [...]

nother nightmare

god, no wonder i never want to go to sleep.  i have one every night. and they seem often quite similar.
one part a house.  lots of shrubbery and a hill keep it away from the street (like barbs?).  so far.  try to get e*a out before the people get out.  keep losing our stuff.  keep [...]