i would just like to say, for the record,

that clearly i am treating m*riad like my mother whom i need to save or they’ll leave me. i just want to say that at least some of us are aware of that and trying to keep it in mind. i know it affects us and i know it makes us too reliant [...]

plus

we got all triggerred last nigth cuz m*riad basically told us that they were doing *us* a favor by letting us go with them to therapy and plus they already told us it’s like we’re not there cuz we don’t talk enough.  it is so embarassing cuz i thought we were really helping and trying [...]

who am i kidding?

if m*riad is running away, then i picked them because they would be running away.  and would probably freak out if they weren’t.  i mean, let’s be honest, that would be pretty part for the course (who the fuck wrote part instead of par?).  anyway, we aid our cable bill today so we won’t have [...]

some of us think it is hilarious that anyone thinks we would judge a*ron

(laughs)  why?  cuz his “bad” parts have been detected and done “tangibly wrong” things?  that’s fucking luck, people.  that is fucking. luck.
what?  does m*riad think we make these ideas out of thin air?  that we just *guess* at how he might be thinking as a sweet little innocent victim?
we know because we have those parts [...]

i wonder how many people know

what it’s like to be so persuasive that you are never sure whether you are controling people or not until they tell you later.  it’s something we worry about and try to control (ha ha).  it’s just, it’s just breathing.  it’s what we do it’s how we think, in how to convince people, how to [...]

Protected: ummmmm, stuff

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

wow

i am so scared.  she must really not love me.  they must really not love me.  i must be a very bad girl.  not ever supposed to say it!  shouldnta said nothin!  now theys scareda you.  shoulda kept your mouth shut been a good little girl shoulda kept your damn mouth shut cuz they hate [...]

we are pretty sure m*riad thinks we are too much work

it’s too much work to make our pleasers feel useful, it’s too much work to process, it’s too much work to deal with our triggers.  i don’t know.  it’s a tough thing for us.  our whole body tightens and gets cold our head detaches and floats like a balloon.  we play katamari to ignore the [...]

i am sad and small and scared

i know i am a bad girl.  i know that for sure.  i know i am bad very bad and scared.  i know things are not safe and not what they appear to be.  i know that no one is safe.  i know that i am not safe.  i know that i don’t know things [...]

sad at you

we were talking to m*riad’s littles and they said they felt like they’d never be good enough for us because we were always upset with them so it was never safe and how it made them so sad.  and i just listened, and tried to explain, and took it all in because this was gospel.  [...]